The Smoking Ban

2004-05-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

The Smoking prohibition has been well and truly scrutinised and analysed by your newspaper. I believe it has had a relatively positive introduction considering it affects almost everyone whether they smoke or not.

The ban also has changed how some people make a living from cigarette vendors to floor cleaners. But no one has been affected more than the ‘customer comfort and safety liaison personnel’. I work in this field myself two nights a week and the job has changed completely. For a start I’m back on the cigarettes since the ban; it’s difficult to say no when one is being constantly tempted by something that obviously gives some kind of relief or pleasure.

We are also dealing with the customers on a very personal basis. Most men that come outside the door stick to the same three topics. Moan about the ban. Moan about the weather. Moan about football. It has become fairly predictable.

The greatest surprise has been the way the ladies have reacted. They don’t dwell on the ban; or the cold weather; but see it as an opportunity to hone their flirting skills. I am shocked by the personal and frank questions I’m asked, more sensitive men would be embarrassed by the not so subtle sexual innuendo during these cigarette breaks, while their partners sit completely unaware at the bar. If it wasn’t for the nature of our work this could only be described as sexual harassment. I mean there is only so much temptation a man can take.

We are grateful for the trouble free introduction of the smoking ban. Weighing up the pros and cons I’d say it more than makes up for the demise of the slow dance sets in the night-clubs. When were they banned?

Wild West Race

2004-05-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

It was a calm summer night way out west back in ’91; the full moon lit up the frontier town of Cliften most town folk were bedded down for the night. Meanwhile a night of revelry was in full swing in the ‘Rising Sun’ saloon where the outriders of the Ras round up were being entertained by the locals.

Just after midnight, the roar of the Nissans coming up the main street was greeted by the barking of ‘Gaybo’ the Ras mascot, the little mongrel never liked travellers. Woof woof woof… The gang dismount and dust themselves down, it was a long ride out from Ballymun Avenue. Gaybo lurched forward and bit into the leg of one of the riders, Bang Bang Bang…

It’s Ras time again, and it looks like it might be sunny this year for a change. I’m sure a lot of you are showing more interest in the race this year armed with Tom Daly's book ‘the Ras’ to check up your stats. and records. The book is a great reference, I never even knew Shay O’Hanlon won the Ras, I thought he was an old geezer that just helped out, well done Shay respect, and Tony Campbell I always thought he won dozens of stages; you never can tell. I was sure that Spratty won ten stages and the overall three times, so it’s handy for separating the b.s. from the truth, but not everything in the book is entirely accurate.

While reading the chapter on The Italian Affair, a riveting account of how a quiet country boy struggled to overcome an onslaught of attacks by a mighty Italian gang. I was nearly in tears reading what that brave man Spratty had to go through to protect the honour and integrity of the Ras. It is a fair and accurate account of that Ras, but there is a reference to how a split between Billy Kennedy and Spratt occurred. Spratt actually rode the Ras on the Carrick Wheelers team the year before in ’91 managed by Kennedy, who was also manager when he won in ‘86 he had no dispute with Kennedy at the ’86 worlds that problem was with big Gunga. There was a big bust up in Cliften that year, which was the inspiration for a book; Wild Wild West and is soon to be released as a movie by Quentin Tarrintino named ‘Kill Billy’.

…Edwina D. bursts through the door of the saloon screaming hysterically, ‘God save me it’s the McQuaid brothers, they’ve just shot poor little Gaybo’…

Whoosh the door swings open; the music stops. Its big Keiron the loudest man in Ireland standing flanked by the McQuaid brothers; all fourteen of them, in their emerald shiny track suits. Four pints and fourteen straws please bartender. Big Gene Mangan interrupts; not ‘till you boys put away your pumps; and you can tell your boy Jim that sheriff badge don’t mean notin’ out here; this is Nakka territory. You boys are about as welcome as a dose of crabs. Whadda ya want?

Were looking for Spratty.
He’d have noting to do with your type.
Oh yeah, Billy ‘five rings’ well we all know he’s a free agent; been on more teams than Davy Hourigan’s got second places.
You boys got a lotta nerve showin’ your faces out here.
Still sore after the beating we gave ye the last time eh.
Yeehaw, all hell breaks loose, girls screaming, chairs flying, glasses breaking, sixty ‘men of the Ras’ going at it.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Everyone stops, silence.
There he was stood in the doorway six foot four, in a silver tracksuit, with a huge gun in his hand and two stunning girls on his arm. (Que music, Handels Hallelujah…)
What in tarnation is goin on here?
It was dem ‘eye see eff’ feckers that started it, Spratty.
I don’t give a damm cut it out, a bottle of Champagne for the girls please and a pint of milk for me.
We’ll get that Spratty; we got a business proposal for you.
No you don’t McQuaid; he should be in bed.
But vee jus got out off zee bed mister; hee hee
Yeah we sure did, now sling your hook Billy I’m busy…

Four in the morning the doors of the ‘Allcock and Brown’ are locked, weird name I’m sure the hotel used to be a gay brothel in the thirties. Spratty climbs up onto the reception roof and goes in the window of his room left open by Eddie the Eagle the most dangerous man in the bunch.
Click. The light comes on, and there’s Five Rings standing in the room with a deputy.

To be cont.

(Originaly on irishcycling.com Thrs 27th May '04 )